Do you know what I find funny? I find it funny that the last time a lady could walk down the streets of New York without fear was probably in the 1950s, which is also arguably the most corrupt time in America as well. Any ideas regarding why this is? If I had to venture a guess I would go with the problem lying somewhere in the destruction of family values. How are parents expected to teach a child right from wrong if parents cannot discipline him or her when expected? If parents correct their children by spanking them from time-to-time the police and the laws governing citizens should be elaborated upon. Of course I am not speaking of beating a child and I completely understand that some children do not need to be hit, but other children figure out from an early age that they are able to get away with anything and as they get older the problems then magnify.
The destruction of family values and the ability to enforce certain things, in my opinion, have led to the increased problems with drugs, teen pregnancies, respect for their elders, back talking, criminal activity, marriage, and parenting. When a child realizes the parent is powerless the child does not fear the parent and begins to test the waters. I call this the puppy syndrome. When puppies are little they test the waters with everything from chewing shoes to marking territory. The puppy has to be disciplined enough to establish a little fear of the owner, which intern makes the puppy question itself next time it tries to test the waters. This scenario can be applied toward children as well. I have seen children in their young teens become way out of control, the parents discipline the teen and the teen calls the police. Can you guess what happens next Mr. President? The parents are lectured in front of the teen and told they could face legal problems in the future and the misbehaving teen is told to simply stop. Consequently the parents become afraid of jail, losing their child, etc. in the future and the teen realizes they are a minor and nothing can happen to them. Phenomenal system, ha Mr. President?
Out of control teens have become such a common occurrence that parents are forced to shield their children from the real-world. Mr. President you are probably thinking, “What is the big deal? Parents are shielding their child from the bad experiences of the real world?” Yes, but they are also shielding them from the good experiences in the real world. Experiences like important social communicating and extracurricular activities. Translation, children are home more and express every emotion towards their parents and grow up with a 50/50 chance of seeing their parents as either good or bad depending upon how the parents handled their child's emotional wind blowing tree branch of a life. This has created a different world where children are not ready to leave the nest at the age of 18, yet we as a nation have not changed any rules to adapt to our changing children.
Here is an example: A little girl goes to elementary school with the look of excitement on her face eager to understand what the future holds. As time goes on and the girl goes through different levels of education something funny happens. The girl begins to fail in certain "life tests" like losing in the spelling bee, not winning in her cheer-leading competition, etc., but still gets an award for trying. The little girl quickly figures there is no need to exert herself because she is rewarded regardless. This problem then spills over into her homework, which creates conflict between the girl and her parents. The girl's parents are telling her to exert herself and get good grades but the child has been taught by society otherwise.
As the girl is advancing in grades she goes to school confused and begins to act out and judge other kids, which leads to social acceptance by some and conflict with most. Social acceptance in these situations seemingly always comes from the wrong crowd. As the girl spends her free time with the wrong crowd she begins to be influenced to do the wrong things. Her parents try to correct her but she sees them as a group of two devils going against her group of 20 wrong crowd angels. Quickly she learns her parents are powerless.
Before you know it the girl is 18 and a woman by today's standards but she is not prepared for the real-world in any shape or form. Now the parents have a hard choice. They realize she is not ready for the real-world but if they tell her it is time to move out their worst fears of what could happen may come true and they cannot monitor her. Inevitably they have no choice but to tell their daughter she can stay but she has to follow our rules and pay rent. The daughter agrees. Before you know it the girl is experimenting with drugs, piercings, tattoos, and meeting guys online. The parents try to come down harder by telling her she has to move out if this keeps up but inside they know they can't let her go because she will inevitably spiral out of control.
Then the out of control adult daughter drops a big bomb on the parents. Any ideas about what this may be Mr. President? You guessed it! Their unmarried, immature daughter is pregnant and the father to be splits (which is a good thing because he was a drug using ex con anyway). The parents now have another legit dilemma on their hands. No way on God’s green earth can the parents force their daughter to move out with an infant. The parents are once again forced to keep her and her baby in their home. Quickly the daughter realizes she can use her baby as a pawn to get whatever she needs and wants. She begins acting out once again and neglects being a parent because her family picks up the slack. Before you know it she is 25, lives at home, hardly works, swears nonstop, treats her family like garbage, and believes marijuana should be legal because she frequently uses it. She also is dating a guy who has spent years in jail, has no car, no job, no money, no place to live, and a tattoo of the devil on his face all because he treats her nice.
Every time they try to tell her she is making a mistake and needs to put her child first she tells her parents, “I have put my child first for six-years and now it is my turn.” Then she begins using profanity. Then she threatens to move out into the slums or out of state with her innocent six-year-old and this bum she is dating.
Now I ask you Mr. President, what are the parents of this 25-year-old kid to do? Do they tell her to move out and inevitably spend every waking moment of every day worrying about their six-year-old granddaughter? Is it fair the granddaughter should have to deal with these problems and risk acquiring poverty, viewing drug use, not seeing her grandparents, and being uprooted from her school and friends? Do the parents contact child protective services and risk losing the granddaughter that they raised to someone who does not even know the child? Even worse yet to her estranged father who the child has never met? The grandparents cannot even force their child into counseling, which is so greatly needed. For the grandparents these are horrible situations that would simply tear them apart for the rest of their lives.
Mr. President our children are changing and we need to change along with them. In today's world our children are not prepared to be adults at the age of 18. We can extend how long a child is on their parents insurance until the age of 26 but we cannot extend how long a parent can influence his or her child legally. Mr. President these things are as important as the economy and need to change to ensure the United States continues to prosper and stays a nation where people want to come.
Best Regard,
Michael J. Intravartolo
PS. I understand you have an exceptional amount on your plate and I wanted to let you know that I respect you and I am rooting for you to conquer those dilemmas.
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